Stonewall, Belonging, and the ConversationsThat Changed the World

A reflection as Pride Month comes to a close.

A few days ago, I had the privilege of standing outside the Stonewall Inn in New York City. Like so many who visit this historic place, I stopped to take a picture. What I did not expect was how deeply the experience would move me.

Later that evening, I found myself searching through photographs of the Stonewall Uprising. I was not looking for history as much as I was looking for perspective. As I scrolled through those black and white images, I found myself thinking about the ordinary people who made extraordinary choices. People who simply wanted the freedom to live authentically, love openly,and exist without fear.

It reminded me that the freedoms many of us in the LGBTQ+ community experience today did not arrive by accident. They were earned through extraordinary courage and unimaginable sacrifice.

There was a time when being gay could cost you your family, your career, your home, your faith community, and sometimes even your life. Then came the HIV and AIDS crisis, when countless lives were lost while much of our community struggled simply to be seen, heard, and cared for. Too many stories ended far too soon.

And yet, even in the face of rejection, discrimination, and unimaginable loss, people continued to show up. They advocated for one another. They cared for one another when others would not. They refused to disappear. Looking back, it is impossible not to feel gratitude for those whose courage forever changed the course of history.

When I reflect on my own life, I realize that many of the freedoms I enjoy today exist because someone else was willing to stand up long before I ever had the chance. Their courage made it possible for me to marry the man I love. It made it possible for me to build a meaningful career doing work that I care deeply about. It made it possible for me to show up authentically as a husband, an executive coach, and as a human being.

That realization humbles me.

One of the reasons I have always been drawn to neuroscience is that it helps explain what so many people have experienced throughout their lives. It gives language to experiences that once seemed impossible to describe.

For example, Amy Edmondson’s research on psychological safety reminds us that people do their best thinking, learning, and contributing when they feel safe enough to be themselves. Long before organizations were talking about psychological safety, the LGBTQ+ community was fighting for something even more fundamental. The psychological safety to exist.

My mentor, Judith E. Glaser, forever changed the way I think about leadership and relationships through her pioneering work in Conversational Intelligence®. Judith taught that every conversation either builds trust or triggers fear. That simple yet profound idea has shaped not only the way I coach leaders, but also the way I strive to live my own life. Standing outside Stonewall, I could not help but wonder how different history might have been if more conversations had been rooted in curiosity instead of judgment, dignity instead of shame, and trust instead of fear.

Perhaps that is one of Stonewall’s greatest lessons.

Leadership is not always found in the boardroom.

Sometimes leadership begins with ordinary people who refuse to compromise their humanity.

I often tell my clients that we are not responsible for the chapters written before us, but we are responsible for the chapter we choose to write next. Standing outside Stonewall reminded me that I am living in a chapter someone else fought to make possible.

Every generation inherits the sacrifices of those who came before. The question is not simply whether we appreciate them. The question is whether we will honor them.

We honor them every time we refuse to hide who we are.

We honor them every time we create families, workplaces, and communities where people feel safe enough to speak honestly, contribute fully, and belong without pretending.

We honor them every time we choose compassion over indifference, curiosity over judgment, and love over fear.

As Pride Month comes to a close, this is my way of saying thank you.

Standing outside Stonewall reminded me that none of us arrives where we are alone. We all benefit from the courage of those who came before us. Some names are remembered. Many are not. Yet every one of them helped make our lives possible.

Perhaps that is the question Stonewall still asks each of us today.

What kind of world are we helping create for those who will come after us?

My hope is that we continue building families, workplaces, communities, and conversations where no one has to choose between belonging and being themselves.

Because authenticity is not simply the courage to be seen.

It is the freedom to stop hiding.

Stonewall helped make that freedom possible for me and for so many others.

May we never take that gift for granted.

Happy Pride 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈.

References

Edmondson, A. C. (2019). The Fearless Organization: Creating Psychological Safety in the Workplace for Learning, Innovation, and Growth.

Glaser, J. E. (2014). Conversational Intelligence: How Great Leaders Build Trust and Get Extraordinary Results.