The Conversation You’re Avoiding Is Already Happening

The conversation you know you need to have may be with a colleague, an employee, your wife, your husband, a family member, or someone you care about.

And yet, you keep telling yourself:

“This isn’t the right time.”
“Maybe it will work itself out.”
“I don’t want to make things worse.”

But here’s the thing: the conversation may already be happening just without you.

When we don’t have information, the brain will fill in the gaps and create narratives to explain what we’re experiencing.

You might think:

“They don’t care about me.”
“Maybe they’re upset with me.”
“They might even hate me.”

And once that story takes hold, it can influence how we behave, how we communicate, and how we relate to one another.

This happens in leadership, too.

A leader may avoid giving an employee important feedback because the conversation feels uncomfortable and they want to avoid conflict. But the employee may already sense that something has changed.

Without clarity, uncertainty can create anxiety, which can make situations feel threatening even when we don't yet have all the information.

We do this in our personal relationships, too but avoiding the conversation doesn't necessarily remove the discomfort. Sometimes, it gives the story more room to grow.

Courageous conversations are not about saying whatever comes to mind.

They require us to regulate ourselves first. Pause. Get curious. Then enter the conversation with the intention of creating clarity not proving that your story is right.

Because sometimes, the conversation we are avoiding is already happening in someone else's mind.

What conversation have you been avoiding?